WTF — Epic Dating Fail #3
First of all, he texted 45 minutes before we were supposed to meet and asked if jeans were ok…dude, we are meeting at a sports bar. What else would you wear?
It’s ok, I can look past that and the poor grammar in his texts, but I am being open minded. He is tall (I am 5'8" so there are a LOT of guys who say they are taller than me but fall short — please don’t take offense fellas), Bumble pics are kinda cute, he is age appropriate, and he sent me a gym selfie that didn’t include a muscle shirt. I am slightly optimistic about our “Meet & Greet”.
We make small talk. I can talk to an f-ing doorknob…easy peasy. He smells nice, his bottom teeth are jacked up but the top ones are good, so he has 50% of a nice smile, I am still being open minded. For a second I can see myself kissing him, I am a sucker for nice arms and muscles. *I read that somewhere on Medium that if you can see yourself kissing your date, it’s ok to stay longer. We order drink #2.
Eventually he asked about what kind of men I am attracted to. WTF — a loaded question. My quick-witted response: I am being open minded — I am still single, so the maybe the type I thought I was attracted to isn’t workout so well for me. He smirked — shit! He reminded me to be cautious about how I phrase that…he said his mind went all kinds of places. I quickly retracted and said I am not a prude, but am open minded about the type of men I meet.
Bam — open minded is apparently a euphemism for let’s see how far we can take this! Within 10 minutes I learned he filed for bankruptcy and lives in his friend’s basement…ok, we all have hard times now and then….still giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Then the fucking weird came out! His political ideology was thrown up all over me! UFO’s, babies murdered for their fountain of youth properties on Jeffrey Epstein’s island, JFK is still alive, and Trump will still be in office come next week. I kept waiting for him to say…JK, I am messing with you! Nope, he full on believed every ounce of it. I reminded him, as I do with my 74-year-old father — everything you read on the WWW, isn’t necessarily true. He assured me he does his research and seeks out “real news”. He also said Ofra Wimprey — was on the island too. Threshold exceeded with that one….you are dumb ass and an illiterate nut job.
I saw the server out of the corner of my eye , flagged her down, paid the tab and was out. Thirty minutes after I got home, I got a text saying he enjoyed our conversation and would like to see me again.
WTF? Dude — what parallel universe do you live in that you think that might ever happen???
